It goes against my personality and tendencies to raise up a child with special needs. Why? Because I like to have all my ducks in a row. Because I like to have a plan A and a plan B, but I will do everything I can to avoid plan B. Because I want control and order by my standards. The ironic thing is that Gabriel is the same way. Some would say that Gabriel needs me because there is no one else who really knows how to care for him. But, in reality, I need him. God made him — especially made him — for me.
This is what humbles me each and everyday. This is what God uses to show me my own sins. This is what brings me to the end of myself saying, “I don’t know what to do. God, show me what to do.” And, this is what brings me to my knees because I know I cannot do this without The Lord. It is a fight for joy.
It is an interesting verse in James 1:2, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.” It’s a bit of an oxymoron, isn’t it? I certainly wouldn’t put the words “joy” and “trials” in the same sentence. Yet, that is what God commands us to do. Against all our circumstances, our emotions, and our thoughts, we need to say and believe that in the midst of that storm, we have joy. The psalmist had the right thinking, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” (Psalm 42:11) What was the source of his joy? His hope in God. This was not a wishy-washy hope, fueled by his own self-will. This hope is outside himself. It is a sure hope because it is given by God Himself. Trial may be for a season, but my soul can rest assured that there is the joy of praising Him forever.
(Photo Credit: Sas & Marty Taylor)