Trusting God

My Last Post

 

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I was looking through these files the other day. My husband and I had a consultation appointment with a doctor, who specializes in Speech-Language Pathology and Auditory Processing Disorders. The office asked us to bring any past evaluations and assessments that have been conducted on our son. As I sorted through all the paperwork, I came across a polaroid picture of Gabriel that was taken 5 years ago. He was 3 1/2 years old, attending his very first speech therapy session. There’s an obvious look of anxiety in his face. In the picture, you could see him tightly gripping someone’s hand … mine. I remember that day vividly. He was so scared.

Now, here we are. My son is almost 9. The road has been rough, and still, I wonder what is ahead for him and for us. My faith is shaken sometimes, as I share the same anxiety my son felt that day 5 years ago.

This doctor that my husband and I met was recommended to us by some friends, who have been on a similar path with their youngest son. At the end of the appointment, we scheduled Gabriel’s evaluation in June.

Perhaps we’ll get a real diagnosis. Or perhaps the doctor cannot pinpoint exactly what it is.
Perhaps our path will be clearer. Or perhaps it will become more muddled with decisions to be made.
Perhaps we’ll get our questions answered. Or perhaps we’ll find ourselves asking new ones.

I am thankful for the opportunity to have this evaluation done, but I realize that I can’t put my hope in it, its results, or the doctor who will conduct it. No matter the outcome of this evaluation, it is The Lord who will continue to lead us as He has been faithfully doing these past 5 years.

When I began writing here, I never could have imagined this is where it would take me. I want to extend my deepest thanks to you for reading what I have shared here about my journey. Thank you for encouraging me. Thank you for weeping with me. Thank you for praying for me and for my family.

But, I believe it is time. It is time to close this chapter. To look with eager anticipation at the road ahead … though it be rough, God is good. God is most definitely good.

Trusting God

Resting in Higher Ways

After Gabriel received the diagnosis of Mixed Expressive/Receptive Language Disorder (MERLD), I couldn’t help but wonder if something else was going on with him. He would do things that left us confused and asking “Why?”. We had his hearing checked. All clear. We had him tested for autism. He showed a few signs, but not enough to put him on the spectrum. Even his speech therapists thought there’s more to Gabriel than language delays.

20130308-091318.jpgI searched the internet for some answers … Autism, PDD-NOS, Sensory Processing Disorder, Asperger, Auditory Processing Disorder. The possibilities seemed endless, and I was left with more questions than when I first began my quest for answers. We had a follow up appointment with the Developmental Pediatrician, and I had my list of concerns ready. I tried to explain to him in great detail the things that Gabriel would do that were odd to us. But the doctor was not convinced that he had anything else besides MERLD. I was disappointed. I wanted some clear answers, and I thought I would find them with the doctors. In hindsight, I’m thankful that the doctor was not quick to diagnose. We have friends who have a son that was misdiagnosed, but they did not find out until after years of medication and treatment.

I still have moments of frustration when I want to say, “Will someone just give me a name for this? I want to know what’s going on with my son.” But the Lord reminds me to trust Him. In His sovereignty, He has not fully disclosed to us what is happening with Gabriel. What would I do with such information? Could I even handle it? I need to trust that there will be many things, including this one, that will remain in the secret places of God. They are safe there, and He will reveal them, if it be His will, in due time. And for now, He gives me this promise, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)

 

(Photo Credit: Personal Development)